One of the things that parents find hardest to do is saying “no” to their children. We as parents must realize the difference between entitlements and privileges of children.
Some things are children’s rights, and should never be taken away or even threatened. Some of these rights include children’s education, food, shelter, and clothing, among others. On the other hand, there are many things that should be treated as privileges. Extra play time, television, toys, expensive sneakers, movies, and other extra curricular activities, are some of the things that can fall under this category. Those things can be held back if required to assist child’s overall development.
Parents should not only be clear about this on their own mind, but also explain the difference to their children. They must make sure that their children realize that privileged activities are dependent upon their own behavior and actions.
This granting and withholding of privileges to encourage good behavior and to discourage bad behavior is a respected and effective parenting technique. Studies by educational psychologists have shown that this positive reinforcement is more effective than punishment of children, which can result in simmering resentment and even psychological scars.
However, parents must be consistent and open in order to be effective. For example, if they cut the child’s television time for not doing home work, they should have made this clear to the child beforehand, and they should stick to similar policy at all times and with all their children, especially child’s siblings, if any. Any changes to the policy should be discussed with the child.
Parents should guard against peer pressure to provide various extra things to children just because other parents do. As already stated, explain the situation to the child and what he or she should do to earn the privilege.
Keep in mind that sometimes saying “no” is the duty of a responsible parent.
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